One of the most amazing things about last year’s JoCo Cruise was the astonishing number of Sea Monkeys who joined my DEEP-SEA WIFI TEMPERANCE BRIGADE. For one week, we purged ourselves of cyber-scurvy and bandwidth barnacles — and I have no regrets!
So let’s do it again. I seek men and women of stout character and fine fettle to join me in a journey of spiritual and physical ecstasy.
If you join our merry band, you will be entitled to one (1) complimentary Sharpie tattoo at my hand. (I’m pretty good at Sharpie tattoos.)
If you want to practice saying the pledge, it is reprinted in its entirety below:
THE PLEDGE OF THE DEEP-SEA WIFI TEMPERANCE BRIGADE
I solemnly swear
to forgo internet and email
for the duration of JoCo Cruise Crazy II.
I forswear wifi, ethernet, and dial-up.
I will not a visit a Jamaican* cyber-cafe.
If a friend tries to show me the internet I shall avert my eyes,
and I hereby pledge to silently judge those who lack my fortitude.
By the grace of Poseidon’s beard, give me strength.
AMEN.
(*This year’s pledge will be adjusted to reflect the relevant itinerary.)
